The Other Side
by frozenfemale
Summary: Another one-shot angst from me... also about Sirius's death. This time, Lupin mourns over his dear friend, thinking back on the past, where his life had been so fun, and worry-free.


**Title: The Other Side**

A/N: Yup, I am just another Sirius fan who can't believe that he's actually dead… oh, my!!! This is another song-fic, and this song is also taken from a Japanese animation, so the grammar may not be right… and the arrangement of the lines may not suit either. I changed it a little though. The ones in **bold and ****_italic_ are part of the song. The ones only in _italics_ are the characters thoughts, awake or otherwise. Just read it like that, I'm pretty sure I didn't make a mistake in "bolding" and "italicing" the words. I'm not saying this because I'm so confident in myself, but because I believe I've arranged them in a very confusing order, and am sure that you guys may wonder if I wrote it right. ALL the ones in bold and italic are part of the song. If I did make a mistake, drop me a line. Okay, enough chattering, on with the fic.**

Oh, and to unquestionable-san, if you haven't read my other fic, I apologize to you once again, ask me about it in school or something…

Okies, on with the fic.

_Bellatrix shot a spell at Sirius. He ducked it easily, taunting her. For some reason, he wanted to shout at Sirius. Shout a warning… anything. Things weren't done that way; you don't taunt your enemy too much. And Dumbledore was here anyway, he should leave it to Dumbledore now… he wanted to tell Sirius all of this. He wanted Sirius to stop fighting… but he didn't. As Sirius continued taunting his cousin, a knot of foreboding fear formed at the pit of his stomach._

_            A second jet of light appeared from Bellatrix's wand, and hit Sirius right in his chest. He clearly saw Sirius's eyes widen as he fell backwards, into the dais. It seemed to take an eternity for him to fall, and he was rooted to the spot. Harry brushed past him to get to Sirius, and he shot his hand out, missing Harry by inches. Harry dove into the dais… and somewhere, someone was screaming…_

            Lupin awoke, drenched in sweat, heart racing, gripping his bed-covers tightly… and of course, screaming. Lupin rarely lost his composure, and he knew it, but it was the third time he awoke from the same nightmare tonight. It was already around four in the morning. He was still in shock, but he was also physically exhausted and mentally wrung-out, and he needed his sleep. It was obvious though, he wouldn't be getting much, not until he was calmed enough. And he felt more then knew, that miles away, Harry too, was screaming his heart out. 

            The whole night had been catastrophic. Lupin was so busy warding of Death Eaters, answering questions and comforting others that he never got a chance to look at himself, and wonder why he wasn't feeling the pain. It seemed… expected of him to always be able to keep his cool and comfort others. It wasn't until he reached the security of his house that the reality of what happened sank in, and together with it, the pain, hurt and disbelieve. It comforted him to know that somewhere in Hogwarts, many, including Harry himself, were sharing his grief… but it was not enough. Sirius… Sirius was to Lupin something he had never been to Harry, and Lupin's grief, Harry could never understand.

            **_Even when it seems that nothing can go right,_**

**_            And you want to just give up,_**

**_            If you close your eyes,_**

**_            You can see the world from your heart._**

Tears were slowly trickling down Lupin's wrinkled cheeks. His room was in semi-darkness. The only source of light, the moonlight, pooled at the floor, beside his bed. Lupin got out of his bed, still shaking slightly, the after-effects of the nightmare still lingering unpleasantly in his bones. 

            The moonlight was streaming in from an open window, and Lupin, compelled to look up at the night sky, walked towards the window. A soft breeze ruffled his hair, swishing his clothes, as he stood there, tear-tracks on his face visible in the moonlight. The trees were rustling and whispering in the breeze.

            The quarter moon shone down brightly, as if trying to cheer Lupin up. Needless to say, it failed miserably. He was often drawn to the moon though, drawn to its beauty and elegance, but a part of him hated it as well. He hated it for turning him into the monster he sometimes was. Besides the moon, there was another element in that inky-black sky that was shining brilliantly. The brightest star, Sirius.

            **_In this world when life can be so tough,_**

**_            You must be strong,_**

**_            Just believe in yourself and don't you fear,_**

**_            So open up your mind, and close your eyes,_**

**_            Take another look from the other side._**

            James had always joked, saying that if he missed either Lupin or Sirius, all he ever needed to do was to look up into the sky. They were both there, the moon, and a star… but as Lupin looked up at Sirius, he only felt more sorrow bubbling out of him. He could remember the way their monthly trip always brought a spark of life into his eyes, the way girls goggled at him, the way both he and James used to make a fool of themselves, enjoying the "power" they seemed to have…

            Another tear fought its way out of Lupin's eyes. 

            It was only a few days back when Harry had popped his head in Sirius's fireplace, talking to them about the Marauders, and Lupin was brought an a pleasant expedition back to the past, where there was nothing to worry, where Voldemort was the last thing on their minds, where… where his friends were.

            Up till yesterday, Lupin had never really believed that the Marauders had gone…left. Deep in himself, he had never really let go of his past life. His life in school, where his friends were everything to him. Sirius was still here, Harry was a great replacement of James, and Peter was still alive. But he could kid himself no more. Peter was long gone. He was the first to leave. James had left too. Harry was another person, his life, just taking shape and form. It was not fair for Lupin tried to force Harry to be someone his dad had been for his own selfish reasons. And Sirius… Sirius, his last hope, had now too, gone. They all had left him… left him in the dark… left him _alone._

            **_Even on a lonely night,_**

**_            Where you wonder afraid,_**

**_            You may be alone now, _**

**_            But your feet can take you however far you want to go,_**

**_            So…_**

            Lupin couldn't stand it. There were his only friends. The only people who really cared enough for him to… to…. 

A tear fell on the window-still. As the moon-glows were reflected from it, Lupin just felt so… distraught. They should have lived. There were so many out there who deserved to die… why them? Why? 

            Hitching a deep breath to calm himself, Lupin walked over to the light switch, located it, and turned it on. As the light flooded into his room, blinding him, he heard a loud, "crack" just outside his door. Lupin had a fleeting vision of Voldemort on the other side of the door before he heard Bill's voice.

            'Lupin?'

            'Yeah… come in.' Bill opened the door, and stepped in cautiously. 

            'Uh… I just came to check on you. You all right?' 

            Lupin opened his mouth to lie, as everyone did when they were hurt. No one could really understand their pain anyway. It was not like it would be off any help if he told the truth. But suddenly, he heard it. Faint, soft, but there. The ghost of their favorite song. 

            **_Just hold on tight,_**

**_            Because if you close your eyes, _**

**_And look into your heart,_**

**_            There's a shining light there,_**

**_            Yes, I want you to believe in everything,_**

**_            You can take another look from the other side._**

            Lupin closed his mouth with a snap. His vision blurred with tears. He sank heavily into his bed, not answering Bill's question, the song still replaying in his mind. 

            That was, in a way, their theme song at that time… the only thing is, at that time, the worst thing that could happen to them, was either detention or James breaking a leg from falling off his broomstick. It was easy to look at that from the other side, cause every detention would have been a result of a mess they caused, and it was funny watching a student walking around with an extra-large head. As for James breaking a leg, Gryffindor always won the Quidditch matches. It was different! Everything then held no importance, because they always had each other. There were lots of things to believe in at that time, but none of them was strong enough to scare all of them at that time… unlike the way it scared him now. 

            'Lupin… I'm really sorry about Sirius… but I can't… I don't know… I'm really at a lost. I don't know how to comfort you, I'm sure I'm not feeling what you are feeling so… I… err…' Lupin looked up at Bill, smiling wanly. Bill was another who seldom lost his cool, but here he was, in front of Lupin, stuttering. 

            **_Just hold on tight even if your heart is breaking,_**

**_            Reach into your soul even if you can't see tomorrow,_**

**_            Yes, if you have the strength to live,_**

**_            You can take another look from the other side,_**

**_            Until you find all that is of love… _**

****'It's okay Bill, I'm grateful that you're here at all,' Lupin said quietly. Bill nodded. There was an awkward pause, where Bill fidgeted and played with the hem of his T-shirt. Lupin was still seated on his bed, his gaze seemingly focused on the table beside his bed, but his mind seemed far away and wandering. 

            For some reason, a scene kept replaying itself in Lupin's mind.

            They were all seventeen then. School was reopening in a few days, and they were all cramped up in James house for a day, looking intently into a gadget called a radio. They kept fiddling with it, twisting its knobs and pressing any buttons they found. 

            'Ah… okay. Luke said put the cassette in,' Sirius held up a cuboid-shaped thing, 'into this compartment, 'he pointed to a part of the black radio, 'and then, press the button that says play.' Lupin stared at Sirius.

'You mean to say that you have no idea how to operate it?'

'Not yet. But I would, soon.' Sirius starting fiddling with the radio again, occasionally muttering things like, 'What did he do again?' but he was smart, and soon knew how to operate it properly. James was staring at it with great interest. Lupin, however, was staring at it apprehensively, as if worried it might explode soon. 

Sirius soon got the song running. For some reason, James was mesmerized. And once Lupin abandoned his fear of the thing, and listened properly, he too was pulled by it. _Lulled by it. There was something in it that just made it feel… right. Sirius looked at them, a grin breaking on his lips. That was exactly how he felt when Luke, the only Hogwarts Muggle-born who lived close to him, had played the song for him. It just felt right. Peter, however, not noticed by his three friends, just looked, scared and uneasy._

'Play it again, Sirius,' James croaked.

**_I wish for you to have the strength,_**

**_To make it through this world,_**

**_So open up your mind,_**

**_And you'll be able to see…_**

But… as reality seemed to seep into Lupin's eyes, his anger and sense of injustice in him rose again. What on Earth was he supposed to see? How could he make it through the world if he was left… alone? 

            'Lupin, if you'd rather be alone…'

            'No, stay,' Lupin cut across him quietly, 'If I'm left alone, I…' He stood up suddenly, startling Bill. Far away, misted with foggy memory, he heard Sirius saying those exact same words…

            'If I'm left alone, if any of us were left alone… at least we would have this to remind us of the day we heard this song that seem… I dunno… so right.' Sirius held out four slips of paper. Lupin took one at random, perusing through it quickly. 

            'I wrote four of the most prominent song verses on it. Each paper holds a different verse…' But Lupin didn't hear the rest. He felt a chill race down his spine as he reread the verse. A chill, and yet a warm feeling of comfort together with it. He didn't understand why that verse made him feel that way…

            'Lupin?' Lupin was brought back to reality with a harsh bump.

            'Sorry,' he muttered, moving to the table he had his eye on for so long, but never really focusing on it at all. From the drawer, he retrieved a paper, yellowing with age.

            **_Just remember you are not alone, so don't you fear,_**

**_            Even though you're miles away, I'm by your side,_**

**_            So open up your mind, and close your eyes,_**

**_            I'll be there for you, no matter where you are._**

****           The same chill raced down his spine, but this time, he understood it. He fathomed something that was unfathomable to him back then. It was as if this verse was destined to enter his possession. As if he was supposed to be the last one left… the last Marauder left. 

            Smiling slightly, Lupin turned, and thrust the paper to Bill. Bill took it, warily. Lifting his eyes from the paper to Lupin's eyes – filled with sorrow and hurt – to Lupin's smile – sad without a stitch of humor in it – he read through the four lines twice. Then, he let his hand, still holding the paper, fall loosely to his side. 

            Lupin had walked back to the window, looking up at the clear black sky, no doubt looking at Sirius. It was a while before Bill realized that it was raining, drizzling, just the right atmosphere to be brought into pleasant memories and to invite in nostalgic feelings. 

            Lupin turned back to Bill, tears now rolling off his cheeks. 

            'They said that I'm not alone, that they'll always be by my side… but they're NOT! I don't want to close my eyes… how can I? The memories we had together… they'll haunt me every time I close my eyes. I need to close my _mind_, my heart, and then maybe, all these things would go away, they won't disturb me anymore…' Bill had never seen Lupin so… hysterical, so lost… and he didn't know what to do. 

            '"I'll be there no matter where you are"? But who's the I? Who's here for me? It doesn't matter where I am now, it's where they are.'

            Bill felt Lupin's sadness catching up with him, bringing him down, choking him. 

            **_The stars may live for a long time,_**

**_            But that doesn't mean,_**

**_            The same days will repeat over and over forever,_**

**_            No one can see into tomorrow. _**

            Lupin was sobbing quietly. It was a wonder that Lupin could do everything with such elegance. Bill went over to Lupin uncertainly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Lupin looked up, his eyes blood-shot and tears still leaking from the corner of his eyes. The cool, soft wind blew in through an open window, showering them with raindrops.

            Bill shifted his eyes out the window, into the black night for a while. He saw the brightest star shining brilliantly, and uttered a soft sigh. And deep in him, he wondered how it could rain, when the sky was devoid of clouds. 

            Tears were still tracking their way down Lupin's cheeks. Bill felt a solitary tear making its way down his own. It wasn't enough to pour out his grief. 

            **_Just hold on tight,        _**

**_            Because if you close your eyes,_**

**_            And look inside yourself,_**

**_            You'll feel a heartbeat,_**

**_            Yes, I want you to believe in the future,_**

**_            You can take another look from the other side._**

            'It's unfair… it's unfair that the world takes people away from us without our consent. It's… unbelievable the way others don't care about the person that we've lost… others don't feel the hurt and pain that I'm feeling…' Lupin muttered through hitches of breath. There was another pause.

            'But Lupin,' Bill started softly, 'nobody said that it was meant to be fair. It is not meant to be fair. This _world is not meant to be fair. This world where people kill out of brutal pleasure and vicious hate, not out of need, or where people have the need to kill without any reason at all… it's not meant to be.'_

            'But Sirius, James… they never got the chance to really live their life… they…' Lupin's words were cut off by another wave of tears. 

            'There is another world out there, Lupin. You have lived in this world long enough. This world where life has been always unfair to you. Maybe it's time for you to step out, to look at things in a different perspective.'

            'It's different… you don't understand… '

            'Of course I don't, and I don't pretend to… but I _am_ here, and I'll try my best to give you as much help and support I can,' Bill said.

            'It may not be much,' he added as an afterthought, 'but it is the only thing I can do.'

            Lupin looked up at that smile, into those eyes, and saw his sincerity. It didn't make the pain lesson, but it did make it easier to bear. 

            'Imagine what Sirius and James would feel if they saw you mourning over them,' Bill whispered into his ears.

            _Maybe there was another side to this world… maybe he could still go on… maybe they were still people who cared…._

_            **Just hold on tight even if your heart is breaking,**_

**_            Reach into your soul even if you can't see tomorrow,_**

**_            Yes, there's another world out there,_**

**_            You can take another look from the other side,_**

****'Imagine what James and Sirius would feel…'

            **_And you'll find all that is of love._**

A/N: So? How was it? I know… it was a little long… but the song is so freakin LONG!! Please drop me some comments on how I can make it better…. Oh, I rarely put up disclaimers, but anyway, the characters belong to Rowling and the song belongs to the Japanese Animation called Gensomaden Saiyuki. The name of the song is Open Up Your Mind. The plot is mine though…

**_Romaji_****_ Lyrics_**

**English Translation**

_moshimo__ ima subete ga umaku nante ikanai_

_makesou__ ni naru toki datte_

_hitomi__ wo tojireba kokoro kara_

_sekai__ ga miete kuru___

Even when it seems that nothing can go right

and you want to just give up,

if you close your eyes,

you can see the world from your heart.

_In this world when life can be so tough_

_You must be strong_

_Just believe in yourself and don't you fear_

_So open up your mind and close your eyes_

_Take another look from the other side_

In this world when life can be so tough

You must be strong

Just believe in yourself and don't you fear

So open up your mind and close your eyes

Take another look from the other side

_kodoku__ na yoru demo mayoi osoreru toki mo_

_ima__ wa hitori demo kono ashi de doko made mo_

_aruite__ ikeru hazu dakara___

Even on a lonely night, when you wander afraid,

you may be alone now, but

your feet can take you however far you want to go, so

_Just hold on tight hitomi tojita __nara___

_Look inside yourself kagayaki ga aru kara_

_Yes, subete shinjite hoshii_

_You can take another look from the other side_

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,

look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.

Yes, I want you to believe in everything.

You can take another look from the other side

_Just hold on tight kokoro kujikete mo_

_Reach into your soul ashita ga mienakute mo_

_Yes, ikiru tsuyosa ga areba_

_You can take another look from the other side_

_ai__ no subete ni deau made...___

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.

Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.

Yes, if you have the strength to live,

You can take another look from the other side,

until you find all that is love...

_kono__ sekai de ikinuite-iku tame no tsuyosa wo_

_anata__ ni negatte-iru kara_

_kokoro__ no tobira wo hiraitara __[1]___

_nanika__ ga miete kuru___

I wish for you to have the strength

to make it through this world,

so open up your mind, [1]

and you'll be able to see...

_Just remember you are not alone_

_So don't you fear_

_Even though you're miles away_

_I'm by your side_

_So open up your mind and close your eyes_

_I'll be there for you no matter where you are_

Just remember you are not alone

So don't you fear

Even though you're miles away

I'm by your side

So open up your mind and close your eyes

I'll be there for you no matter where you are

_ hoshi no inochi __nara__ nagai kedo itsu made mo_

_onaji__ kono hibi ga kurikaesu wake ja nai_

_ashita__ wa dare ni mo mienai___

The stars may live for a long time, but that doesn't mean

that the same days will repeat over and over forever.

Noone can see into tomorrow.

_Just hold on tight hitomi tojita __nara___

_Look inside yourself kodou kanjiru kara_

_Yes, "MIRAI" shinjite hoshii_

_You can take another look from the other side_

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,

look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.

Yes, I want you to believe in the future.

You can take another look from the other side.

_Just hold on tight kokoro kujikete mo_

_Reach into your soul ashita ga mienakute mo_

_Yes, chigau sekai ga atte_

_You can take another look from the other side_

_ai__ no subete ni deaeru yo...___

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.

Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.

Yes, there's another world out there.

You can take another look from the other side,

and you'll be able to find all that is love...

_Just hold on tight hitomi tojita __nara___

_Look inside yourself kodou kanjiru kara_

_Yes, "MIRAI" shinjite hoshii_

_You can take another look from the other side_

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,

look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.

Yes, I want you to believe in the "future."

You can take another look from the other side

_Just hold on tight kokoro kujikete mo_

_Reach into your soul ashita ga mienakute mo_

_Yes, chigau sekai ga atte_

_You can take another look from the other side_

_ai__ no subete ni deau made...___

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.

Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.

Yes, there's another world out there.

You can take another look from the other side,

until you find all that is love...


End file.
